Some people think being a stay-at-home mom means I sit around and eat bon-bons all day. This is not true. Sometimes I eat cookies instead.

Showing posts with label Know What Really Grinds My Gears?. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Know What Really Grinds My Gears?. Show all posts

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Must be nice on that pedestal...

Sanctimommies. They're everywhere. Just when you think you're safe, they pop up and make you feel like shit for trying to do the best thing for your child.

Sir had his 15 month check-up today. He got his MMR and chickenpox vaccines - he was such a trooper! I was hoping they'd tucker him out and he'd have an extra long nap, but no go. At least they didn't make him that cranky.

Anyway, he's clocking in at 31 inches and 20 lbs even. He's a string bean! This was the first appointment where his doctor started to express some concern about his weight. He dropped percentiles slightly, from the 10th to the 5th (thereabouts, I don't really pay that much attention. I look at the pretty curve to make sure he's staying steady.). We discussed his feeding issues.

And that's the thing. His issue is just that he doesn't eat much. I wouldn't call him "picky," exactly. To me, picky is when your child won't eat anything orange, or wet, or only eats mac and cheese with peas, not broccoli. Sir will try pretty much everything. The problem is that he only takes one or two bites before he's done. Sure, there are a few things that I can usually count on for him to eat more of, but they're not exactly balanced, and it's not like he ever even eats tons of those foods.

So, the AAP recommends 40 calories per inch of height for toddlers. That would put Sir at around 1240 calories per day. I find this mildly ridiculous, but whatev. The point is, on a "good" day, I still don't think Sir ever makes it above 900. So, I decided to ask around for ways to sneak Sir extra calories.

I belong to a birth board on a well-known online community, and I asked about putting heavy cream into his milk (not entirely replacing, but supplementing a little). I got several responses from people saying they had heard of it, and offering other suggestions. Then came the Sanctimommies.

You know, the mommies who are apparently so perfect that their children poop gold nuggets, and slept through the night at 2 days, and walked at 4 months, were speaking full sentences at 6, and their lives are SO PERFECT that they work a full day, come home and cook dinner in heels and then proceed to give their husband a BJ every night without so much as smudging their lipstick.

So I get the speeches about how sneaking calories in doesn't teach children healthy eating habits, and I must be doing something wrong if there's no underlying medical issue for Sir not eating a lot of food (to which I say "COME ON! He's not even 3 feet tall! How big can his stomach possibly be?"). And I have decided I hate the "It all evens out" argument. Maybe for some it does, but not for Sir. It's not evening out. He eats like a bird. And while he's perfectly healthy and happy now, I'd like to head this off at the pass before the day comes when he's NOT healthy.

I was getting the "trust your child to do what's right for them" lecture. And I thought to myself, when did that become the thing to do? When did we, as parents, as the supposedly more mature and responsible individuals, decide to hand the power over to our children? Isn't my job as a mother to decide and do what is best for Sir? He's 15 months old. He would chew on his dirty diaper if I let him. I hardly think I can trust him to realize what a healthy, well-balanced, nutritious diet is. I can do my best to provide him with balanced and healthy options, and make sure food is offered at appropriate intervals. But if he is choosing not to eat enough to sustain his growing body, does it not then become my duty to do whatever it takes to do it for him?

Sunday, September 12, 2010

I wonder...

  • If it is possible to live entirely on FlaVor Ice. You know, the cheap freezer pops? I've certainly been trying. I also sometimes wonder if I can successfully use them as a diet food. Like, instead of Slim Fast shakes, I eat freezer pops for breakfast, for lunch, for an afternoon snack, and then have a sensible dinner. Of freezer pops.
  • How babies eat jarred baby food. I purchased some for convenience when we were going on vacation, and almost lost my lunch whenever I opened one. They smell like vomit. I can't imagine what they taste like. But I'm betting it's not like peaches. I am also a little suspicious that they are all the same color. Peaches, bananas, apples, pears, sweet potatoes, mixes, they are all the same sickly brownish-pink color.
  • Why daytime TV sucks so bad. There are plenty of people who are home during the day for one reason or another, don't we deserve decent programming as well? There are only so many "Who's my baby's daddy?" Maury episodes I can watch before I want to start duct taping legs shut.
  • Why I am stubbornly clinging to my gym membership under the pretense that I'm actually ever going to go again. I'm not fooling anyone, least of all my waistline. Or my checking account.

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Um, Ryan? There's a dead animal on your face...

So my dear husband Ryan has a thing about shaving on vacations and weekends. As in, he doesn't. A week and a half into our Cape vacation, I was getting used to the face scruff. It's his face, and I know he'll shave it again when we get home.

Except yesterday he comes out of the shower and he's shaved a goatee out of his beard. He used to have one in college. It looked a little ridiculous... I laughed for a few minutes, snapped a picture, and went with it. He's back at work on Monday.

TODAY, he comes out of the shower and has shaved the goatee... but left the mustache. This, I did not sign on for. Ryan does not look good with a mustache. I wouldn't even talk to him until he went back into the shower and got rid of that too. He was pretty upset, but the 'stache had to go. 1992 was a long time ago.

Sunday, June 6, 2010

You Might Be a Douchebag If...

I was thinking to myself today, "wouldn't it be fantastic if douchebags had that word tattooed on their forehead as a warning sign to the rest of us?"

Yes, yes it would be. However, since I doubt this will ever happen, I've created a mental list of external signs that warn of incoming douches. They are as follows (including but not limited to):

1. People that clip their cellphones/pagers/etc. to the waistband of their pants. No one cares how important you think you are.

2. Popped collars. Are you trying to keep the breeze off your neck?

3. Teenagers that have handbags more expensive than my monthly car payment. You didn't buy that for yourself. Get a real job and stop mooching off Daddy.

4. Mothers that insist on lining store carriages with those ridiculous fabric pouches. Your kid's been ingesting far worse than what's on the handle while you're gabbing away on your cell phone and not paying attention. Are you planning on encasing them in a giant hamster bubble when you send Precious off to kindergarten?

5. Anyone driving a Porsche Cayenne. A Porsche SUV? Beyond pointless. Get over yourself.

6. Drivers that can't be bothered to observe the painted lines when parking.

7. Fat people that don't try to help themselves. I'll come out and say it, I'm not afraid. Fat people annoy me. I've been there. I've had friends that have been there. We've gotten rid of the weight. You can do it too. Repeat after me: "I will put the fork down."

8. Using cell phones to talk/text/email/web surf in a restaurant. Learn some manners and show your dining companion some respect.


That's all for the moment... I'm sure I'll think of more. Feel free to comment.